I have a question for you. Do you feel bad about yourself when you get angry with someone? In other words, do you feel that anger is sinful? Or at least, that anger, along with sadness, jealousy, worry and fear, are the "bad emotions" while happiness, joy, and excitement dwell in the category of "good emotions"? If you answered yes to any of those questions you are not alone. Until very recently, somewhere in the back of my brain, without really being aware of it, I believed that anger was a sinful emotion and that as a good Christian I should not get angry but always be pleasant. As a result, I often suppressed feelings of anger.
Emma McAdam, a licensed marriage and family psychologist, says in her Youtube video "Fostering a Nonjudgmental Attitude -- The Lie of Positive and Negative Emotions", that we shouldn't label emotions as "good" or "bad" but that instead should see them as "comfortable" or "uncomfortable". In other words, emotions such as sadness, anger and fear make us feel uncomfortable and are more difficult to deal with, while joy and gladness are more nice, enjoyable feelings. Furthermore, she says that "uncomfortable emotions, like worry, disappointment, guilt or fear, they can serve a very important function." For example, fear can prevent a child from getting close to a vicious dog and getting bitten. Worry about how a spouse has been feeling, can prompt a person to take positive actions for the good of his or her marriage. If we label human emotions as simply "good" or "bad" emotions, we may end up having a very narrow perspective of things.
Our culture, upbringing, or even our church, can sometimes promote this idea that certain emotions are bad and others good, but I don't think that God teaches that in His Word. Jesus Himself got angry. Think of the classic example of Jesus turning over the money tables in the temple (see Mat.21:12-13, Mark 11:15-18, Luke 19:45-46 and John 2:13-17). That indicates that anger is not in and of itself always bad. Furthermore, James says, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19). I think it is interesting that James does not say "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should stop being angry." He realizes that it would be impossible for human beings to not ever be angry. No, James says instead that we should be "slow to become angry." And why? "because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires" (James 1:20)..Anger can cause us to sin. That's why Paul cautions us in Ephesians.4:26-27, "In your anger, do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Paul too, acknowledges anger as a natural human emotion but he cautions us to be careful how we deal with that anger, so that we do not let the devil have his way when we are angry.
At this point, you might ask but what about verses such as Colossians 3:8? In Colossians 3:8, the apostle Paul writes, "But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth." Does it not seem like Paul is grouping anger together with other evil deeds and implying that we should not ever be angry? At www.bibleref.com in answer to the question "What does Colossians 3:8 mean?" they assume that the kind of anger that is mentioned here is not righteous anger or controlled anger, but "outbursts of uncontrolled anger" which are "not meant to be found in the life of a Christian."
Notice too, that Paul does not tell us to "suppress" those feelings of anger, but instead to "put them away". In order to put them away successfully, we will need to acknowledge those feelings of anger, evaluate them ("was I justified?") and process them. Forgiveness will also have to be a part of that process, if the anger was indeed justified. But Paul does NOT say to suppress them.
Is it easy to deal with the anger that we feel towards another person? No! It is often quite difficult, especially if that person is a close family member or a good friend, or if they have hurt us deeply. Sometimes, if the hurt is deep or the wounds far reaching, we might even have to get professional help in order to be able to put it behind us. Sometimes it might even be necessary to forgive someone again and again (see Jesus' answer to Peter in Matthew 18:21-22). It can be hard, but with God's grace and the working of the Holy Spirit, we can do it!
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